Forge ahead on the light left by others … follow their blaze until you can spark your own …
There are days I’m fierce in this rebellion against mental illness and the stigma. Days I use my words like weapons against the greater disorder of, and it feels, sometimes purposeful, misunderstanding of this trauma, and use them to demand compassion for those isolated and alone in their darkness. I use those words to show that when the longest night, sans stars, suffocates a soul, a shallow breath draws oxygen and can be enough to sustain a pulse. That’s a big win.
When I first spoke up about having a severe mental illness, it was to help blaze a trail for others to see recovery was possible. If anything I said could help another to not suffer the complications of the stigma, the guilt and shame while battling a brain disorder, just one person, then it was worth putting my vulnerabilities out on front street. And what the hell, I like a good honest and moral fight. Win/win.
Today I learned that light bounces. And it keeps bouncing. Now, I’m in the dark seeking a fierce flame to blaze out of this tunnel. I seek it because, even as ugly as this is, I know it’s there, somewhere. I’ve seen it before. I know it exists. That’s the difference between now and 2010. The difference between now and 2011. The difference between now and 2012. I know for a fact, with support, I’m going to kick ass and take names. Fuck mental illness, PTSD, PNES, depression, anxiety, flashbacks, cognitive loss and, you know, fuck it all. I’m here. I’m fighting and I’m looking for an edge of glimmer to follow.
I got that today. Got that in an email from someone who watched a video I forgot I made … and shared how that helped them. What that meant to them to hear. How they are now looking at simply putting one foot in front of the other to walk out of Hell. They know it’s possible because I showed them my journey. In sharing this with me, they bounced the light back and helped me find the road out. It’s going to be a long walk, and it will take some time, but I’m high-steppin’ and in the future, again, I’ll use that light as a battle sword for others, but for now … thank you for helping me, anonymous one. Keep bouncing that light — you have no idea the reach.
If your on this Journey, and can’t find your way, rebel. Rebel, rebel, rebel against the dark days. Rebel until you see the light, and then fight.
[via fb.com April 7 at 7:29am]